What has happened to passion?

It seems that extremism doesn’t help. At one point in time, one realizes his or her dreams. And one works towards them. From being an artist or a doctor or even a Computer Engineer as am I.

This is a thought that has been haunting me these past couple of days as I struggle to revive what passion I once had, that was drowned in a world filled with competition and expectations and the ALMIGHTY examinations that dominates our educational system. The examinations that we all are pressurized throughout our courses to answer as perfectly as is possible, keeping aside all else that could distract us. In this process I have come to find that passion gets lost somewhere along the way and we … maybe I should just refer to myself, .. and I forgot why I am doing the things I am doing.

Why am I working so hard. Yes no doubt I know that I had passion for computers. And I still do. Along the way I realized that my passion also lied in the field of academics, of teaching. But how much do I sacrifice to get there?

Is being away from normalcy one of the things worth sacrificing?
I think not!

In India, pressure and examinations dominate our scholarly lives, and in the Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur, one finds himself doing more work than he had ever done in his entire life. Working harder towards a goal that somehow one forgets along the way.

What is my ultimate goal in this course? Is it to top even at this level, as I had done when I was studying in the Goa University? Well, the way I have been working, it seems so. But I’m losing what I treasure most in life. And that is my passion to live life. No doubt with some level of discipline.

But where does discipline come from? Does discipline have to be forced? And if forced does it have effect? I don’t think so. I think desire has to come before one can discipline oneself to work towards something. And I need to discipline myself too… I just need to draw in the desire I once had. And leave the marks and the rest to the whims of time.

The learning experience is the most important thing. That’s what I should aim at. And that’s my experiment this week.

Cheers! Ate logo…

-Antonio

By: blendrang sayur On 8:41:00 AM

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New surroundings

A warning to you, the reader. What I pen down is expected to be quite disconnected as this is my attempt at trying to clear out my thoughts about my experiences in IIT.

It could have been the high expectations of beauty and cleanliness that ultimately caused my disappointment. It could have been that I wanted to enjoy my subjects free from pressure… that now I feel lost at sea, gasping and trying so desperately to find the shore.

I arrived at IIT Kharagpur on the 21st of July 2012. Curious to see where I would be living for the next to years, I visited my hostel. With the expectations that the room would be clean and spacious. I arrived to find just the opposite. The previous tenants had decorated the walls with pictures and words that I wouldn’t want to wake up to every morning. The attached bathroom; shared by my room-mate and I along with the two in the ad joint room; was filthy, walls and toilet bowl included. It suffices to say that I was quite disappointed. 

My life at IIT Kharagpur officially began on the 23rd of July 2012. The first day of registration turned out to be very un-organized. The day was filled with standing in long queues, waiting for thousands of students before me to pay their fees. Each one speaking in his or her own native tongue. With my excellent language skills in Hindi, I managed pretty well (Haha… NOT!). Once all formalities were complete, it was time to discover who my classmates were and who was part of the faculty of the Computer Science Department. The batch of CS2012, I found, was quite down to earth, different from most others that shared the campus with us. I was now one amongst a batch of 37 other graduates from all over the country pursuing their MTech at IIT Kharagpur.

The faculty introduction was quite interesting, more so because I was thoroughly confused at the end of the introduction. It seemed that everyone was sailing in the same boat with me. When our student advisor Prof. PPD listed the subjects offered to us this semester, I was quite disappointed as I would not be able to choose the subjects of my choice. I was looking forward to learning about Ubiquitous computing. Anyway, little did I know that the end of the week would bring me closer to choosing a similar subject that would begin to satisfy my networking appetite.. After speaking to our seniors, I was sure of which subjects I surely didn’t want to take up. If I could, I would have taken up just four subjects this semester, knowing what I know now.

As the days past by, I was re-introduced to the subjects of Algorithms, Theory of Computation and freshly introduced to Embedded Systems, Wireless Adhoc and Sensor Networks, and Cognitive Sciences.

Algorithms felt and still feels like a subject out of my grasp. I am waiting for my AHA moment to arrive when I can say… “I finally get what the subject is all about”. In my time here since, I have realized that the pressure in every subject just seems to build. However I have still not been able to enjoy any of the subjects the way I was hoping to.

The pressure seems to be building ever so much, leaving me breathless and in desperate need of a break. And alas, my break has arrived. A long weekend… Its time to wash all of the dirty laundry and start afresh.

I am determined to not let the pressure get to me. I am determined to do my best and enjoy it.

By: blendrang sayur On 11:24:00 PM

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